Regaining Hope After Losing It
This week on Be the Person Podcast, I share my journey with vertigo. It is an ongoing journey because I still have it. It isn’t life threatening, most days I can function fine. What I started to notice was I began to live with fear and lose hope that I couldn’t recover from it. I don’t love to talk about myself. I didn’t want to share for sympathy, but I realized if I had lost hope, maybe you have too. Let’s get it back together!
How it Started
Four years ago, Jeff and I were on vacation. I got up one morning and fell over and felt horribly sick. The room was spinning like an out-of-control carnival ride and I couldn’t get off. Jeff realized it was vertigo and was able to do the Epley procedure on me to reset the crystals in my ear that caused the spinning. When I got home, I went to an ear specialist and everything checked out fine. They thought it was a one-time event, except it wasn’t. It happened again about 6 months later, and continues to happen on and off. I am really thankful for Jeff because he is able to treat me. However, the treatment doesn’t always work and I am not with Jeff all the time.
About a year and half ago, it happened to me on the Appalachian Trail. I was hiking with my sister and we were about 3 miles from a road when the world started to spin. It was so scary because I had no idea how I would get off the mountain. My sister was able to do the Epley procedure on me and someone carried my pack for me, so I made it off the mountain. It was a morning I won’t forget because it was one of the most panicked I have ever been. I grew up with a “suck it up” mentality and can do that for many things, but vertigo isn’t one of them. When it hits, no matter how much I want to, I can’t sit or stand.
Each time an episode happened, it planted a seed of fear inside of me. What if no one was around to help me? What if it caused a big scene?
The Journey to Hope Begins
In August, it happened again. Only this time, it didn’t go away for a few days. It was the first time I ever had to ask Jeff not to go to work because I was too afraid to be alone and not sure I could even make it out of bed. I knew I needed to dive deeper into this and figure it out.
I was referred to an optometrist who specializes in vision therapy and he referred me to a physical therapist for vertigo. I went and was doing very simple exercises but they were frightening for me because I wasn’t sure if they would make me start to spin. I sat up after doing them and just cried. She has been encouraging and reminding me the whole time that she can help and I can get better. I had no idea why I was crying at the physical therapist’s office but after I got done and thought about it the next day, I realized it was the first time I really felt hopeful. Hopeful that I could feel normal again; that I wouldn’t have to live with this fear and also the feeling that I was spinning. She had given me the gift of hope. I didn’t know that I lost hope along the way, but I had. Maybe you have lost hope about something too. You just need to know it is possible to regain that hope.
The Journey Continues
I told you that I don’t like to talk about myself, but I was also hesitant to tell you this story because I am still in the journey. I still have vertigo and haven’t been fully fixed. I don’t know for sure that I will be but I have HOPE! You don’t have to get to the end of your journey to have hope. You can have it along the way!
To get better, I have to believe I can get better! To be the person you want to be, you have to believe you can be that person. What I found is sometimes you have to borrow that belief from someone else until you can fully believe it! Here are a few things that have helped me!
Things That Have Helped Me Regain Hope
Make a plan for the next step.
If you are like me, I like a full plan when I start. However, what I have found is sometimes that isn’t possible. Sometimes we just need to take one step forward believing that will lead to the next step. Randy Garn has a saying that I love and it is, “We don’t know who holds the keys to the treasure chest.” Take the next step believing you will find who holds the keys to your treasure chest!
Surround yourself with people that help you feel hopeful.
There may be a time you limit certain people in your life. If you are struggling with hope, you need to borrow it from people around you – be sure they have hope to borrow!
Journal
I have a love hate relationship with journaling. I don’t particularly like to do it, but I know I need it! It helps me get things out of my head and down on paper.
Listen to things that give hope and encouragement.
You can hear more about my journey and reclaiming hope this week on Be the Person. Other great stories of Hope are episode #1 with Amberly Lago and episode #2 with Omar Lopez.